Monday, 10 May 2010

it's just one of those days..

Love and accept yourself.

Easier said than done. 

Being diagnosed with Alopecia Universalis (an auto-immune condition which results in the loss of body and head hair) at the tender age of nine months, getting bullied and teased in school, having to carry the burden of not telling my parents, people assuming I've got cancer, mean girls starting up rumours that I've got leukaemia with only 6 months to live (and this was quite recent), leaving everything; job, friends and family behind to start fresh in the UK only for it to turn out badly, hoping to be accepted, betrayal of trust, learning to trust again, losing hope.......

It has been a very difficult journey.

You know what's sad? I have been in the UK for almost a year and a half now and I have not made any friends. It's hard when you don't go out much. The only ones I have made are all from indie biz, which I am very thankful for. Thank you all for taking the time to read my blog and to offer a few kind words....I appreciate it more than you know.

The reason why I am telling you all this is not to gain sympathy, but just to share my thoughts for the day and also for you to understand my art journal entry.

thanks for reading.


  1. sal, this is a beautiful page not only because of the drawings but because the words were raw and very honest. I just started following your blog (via TYS class) and am loving all your posts.

    (p/s: I would love to be friends ^^)

  2. First, I looooove your page! Your painting and words are absolutely beautiful! You're a strong, brave person! Hang in there! You're better than them and amazing and inspiring! Don't forget it! Be you and know that you are enough! Sending you a big hug! xo

  3. I think your page is beautiful!! It's who you are and that's what is amazing. Hang in there!!! I know what it's like to be bullied and it's not easy.

    This is my first time visiting your blog and I love it, I am also in the Tell your story class and feel like it's therapy in a way. It's nice being able to get my feelings on paper. I hope we become bloggie friends! I'm your newest follower :)

  4. I want to be friends too!!! Your page is amazing!! You are such an amazing painter! You are sooo amazing, know that!
    Love you and can't wait to see more of your awesome pages!!!

  5. Hello!
    Your page is beautiful, so real and that in it's self is inspiring! I was an Indie Biz student...although I am having to play a lot of catch up! I have lived in the town that I live in all my life and I can honestly say that the only friends that I have are from the blog world...I am so grateful to have them in my life! I used to think it was strange that all of my friends are those whom I haven't actually met, but they are the best!! Have a lovely day!

  6. I love your page! Hang in there sweet girl if you ever need anything I will be there I understand more than you will ever know!



  7. First of all, I love your page - it's really beautiful! :)

    I can't pretend to know what it's like to have Alopecia, but I do understand what it's like to feel lonely and unaccepted and to want to be able to trust others. It's a hard world out there (and sometimes it doesn't seem to be getting any better) and it's difficult to find people who truly care about one another. It's sad and disheartening.

    But please don't give up! There are still those of us out there who care for others! :) I know you have no idea who I am (and with someone with her own trust issues I understand how that goes! lol), but if you ever just need to talk, feel free to email me! (ashleyrwatts[at]gmail[dot]com).

    I hope things look up for you - and I will definitely keep you in my thoughts! :)

  8. Chin up chicken! You're beautiful and talented - it'll all come together eventually :)

    (I didn't realise you'd painted that at first, I thought it was one of those illustrated notebooks - I'm amazed and wish I could paint!!)

    Making friends must be really hard when you've moved from somewhere else, hope you work something out. If you lived nearer I'd hang out with you! xx

  9. SAL! Your page is so beautiful! OH where do i even begin... moving for change and then having it all go to shit... been there. Hold fast and take this time to get super comfy being you. YOU ARE DESTINED FOR GREAT THINGS and by telling your story and sharing your journey you are already participating in the greater purpose of you! Indie biz is such a great place to meet new friends! I met some of the most amazing girls last year at the RVA weekend, they are keepers those girls! Welcome to the indie biz circle of friends! Sending you love today, support from Cali and many more art journal pages, let it all flow onto the page! Tell your story, be beautifully you! So much love!

  10. Oh my gosh that painting is amazing. I love everything about it. You are very talented painter.

    Hang in there!! You are in my thoughts.
    I wish I lived closer so, we could hang out and I can learn to paint--:D

  11. It's true... blog friends are some of the best friends. One of the things I've loved most about being a blogger is making new friends! I hope you feel the love and support today and know that you really are amazing! I'll be coming back to your blog often... I hope we become friends! =) By the way... I agree with all the others.. your page is amazing. Beautiful painting, beautifully honest words. (and your blog is super cute too!!) xoxoxo

  12. Sal, you sweet little thing you! I know what its like to live in a place for a significant amount of time and not have any friends...I moved away from everything and everyone I knew and through that I have found my real friends, unfortunately they all live far away. But I don't think having a bazillion friends really matters, I am lucky to have my boyfriend/best friend of almost 10 years here with me and I'm sure that makes all the difference, but there is nothing like a trip out with the girls...believe me I feel you on that.
    As for mean girls, and mean people in general...I am so sick of them. When did we stop caring about being good people and start focusing on being what society considers "good looking"? Don't they go hand in hand? I find nothing attractive in anyone who is mean, hurtful, or just plain rude...but you, with your sweet, kind words all the time and your beautiful genuine smiles...I think you are a true beauty!
    I don't know who said it but my mom and aunties have repeated it to me my whole life..."those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter"...words of wisdom if I do say so myself. ;)
    Have a happy day! Sometimes I wish the Indie Biz class was an actual class in a classroom setting so us girls could actually all get together and be girls!...but for now blogland will have to do. Even though we're virtual we're here for you as friends none the less.
    So Much Love...

  13. Hey girl! I am so happy to be introduced to you! I would love to be your friend. You are such a beautiful girl. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. Blog friends make the world a better place. :)
    <333, Kristie

  14. sal, i am full of both sadness and love after reading this post.

    i really appreciate your willingness to share your true feelings with us in this space.

    your honesty means so much to me!

    i think the world needs more people like you...those who will be courageous and honest about what's really going on inside so we don't all feel that loneliness you speak of!

    i've been feeling loneliness lately too...for different reasons, but i just really felt it when i saw it on your beautiful page.

    sending you SO much love from across the pond.


  15. Sal-I hope it was cathartic for you to journal this. And I am appreciative that you shared it. I think lots of us feel this way sometimes. You are truly destined for great things--just by putting that intention out there you are starting everything you need.
    About friends...I think I may have very strong hermit tendencies because I feel that most people who are physically around me don't quite get it (or me). Making friends and being with likeminded people who naturally get it and understand in classes like indie biz has been amazing. I am so glad you blog and that this has been a way to get to know you better. I consider you a friend! xoxo

  16. SALLIE (that's my new nickname for your;))

    After reading this page, my hart go's out for you, i really feel your pain, and i know it's hart to move to another country and missing your family. And i feel sad, that you didn't meet new people, because your are an inspiration for me and i think also for other's. I am really glad to found you at the indiebiz really, and it's true the blog friends are awesome (oke is still have to start my blog but inshaAllah it will come;)).

    And it's totally amazing that you can put it in words how you feel, and the painting is amazing you are totally talent, we will see lot of good things that you are gone make in the future inshaAllah.

    And i am glad that we are penpals, i really hope you like my letter and cute package that i send to you:).

    Sal keep up the good work and hope to talk to you soon..

    Give you big hugs and a big kiss
    <3<3<3 really love ya hahahah


  17. Hi!!! I am overwhelmed by your talent. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. I know it is not easy to share the hard stuff and be vulnerable. I wish we lived closer so we could meet, but blog friends are so amazing and so supportive. This has been the hardest 8 and a half months of my life, in August my mom died from a short battle with brain cancer, she was my rock. I have a blog dedicated to her to help me to get through it and be strong enough. And my beautiful blog friends have helped so much!
    I am so very glad to have come across your blog!
    Sending big hugs~

  18. Sal, I am sorry I have been away from the blogisphere for a while, because I just want to tell you that your blog, your journal, everything about you is so wonderful, positive and caring. You inspire me and made me feel so much better when I was feeling badly. I know that it's easy to get downhearted, (especially in dreary ole' England) but you handle it with such honesty and grace, you should be very proud of yourself!

    In all honesty, you are like my first blogger friend ever and that means so much to me! Email me your shipping have some Japanese tape coming your way!

  19. Wow-- what beautiful love you have just received through this blog- it comes in so many different forms and it seems our job is to find that last little bit of hope inside enough to SEE the love as it comes pouring in.

    I'm so sorry that I am late on this bandwagon of love for you but hopefully what matters is that I'm on it- It makes me sad to hear you say its going bad there and I hope that Stuart knows who he has in you. Trust has never been an easy issue for me either...still isn't but I trust as best as I can.

    I want so badly for you to get my basket and open it up and see how much love was put into it!

    Like everyone said you are STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL and there will always be petty jealous people but there will also always be those of us who lift you up when you're down. Thank you for the BEAR hug you gave me the other day - now I offer it back to you.

    Please smile- it lights up the world (even if you can't see it) when you do.

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  21. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to read this. I just discovered your blog (via the Tell Your Story blog list on Flickr) and I can already tell that you are awesome and inspiring and I absolutely want to be your friend! There are so many negative people in the world, but at heart (just like our mom's told us in elementary school) they are unhappy people that are lashing out at others as a way of lashing out at themselves. I can already tell that you're strong enough to rise above it and move beyond it, even if it hurts for awhile. :)

    Also, your page is absolutely beautiful. I love it.

    I'm sending lots of hugs.


  22. you are gorgeous inside + out. not to mention a darn talented artist.
    i hope this yucky stuff has passed for you...

  23. awwwwn! these comments are lovely and i agree with all of them!! your beautiful and amazing!
    i cried when i read your post coz i know the pain your going through. i found this cute quote the other day:

    "I may not be perfect, but my imperfection is what makes me unique from the rest of the crowd. To me, perfection is overrated. I am happy with not being perfect."

    isnt it cute? :)


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